


Decisions

by maybeaslytherin



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, jaime was still a stupid boi but like not as stupid, post season 8 but things changed, trying to fix-it a little bit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2020-06-02 14:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19442944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeaslytherin/pseuds/maybeaslytherin
Summary: Jaime never made it to Cersei when Daenerys captured the Red Keep and instead returns to Winterfell where Sansa must decide if he can stay or if he will be exiled. Brienne acts as an advisor and must make decisions both for the North and for herself regarding whether or not she can trust Jaime again.





	1. A Return to Winterfell

News of the end of the war travelled swiftly throughout Westeros; both through the ravens that seemed to be flying in every direction, and through word of mouth, though in those cases the truth tended to get a bit twisted. While the stable boys at Winterfell whispered between themselves of the storming of the Red Keep and what the new leadership would bring, Brienne held her breath as Sansa gave her a play-by-play of what happened in King’s Landing in the wake of the castle’s capture.

While Brienne initially wanted to go with Sansa to King’s Landing, to protect her in case tensions rose between the remaining families the would convene there. However, Sansa asked Brienne to stay in Winterfell and act in a temporary leadership position while she, Bran, and Arya left. Brienne tried to protest that she wasn’t the most qualified, but she was the only person Sansa trusted enough to handle it, and the most honorable. 

The meeting at the Red Keep, according to Sansa, had resulted in many changes, all seemingly for the better. Daenerys was given the title of Queen of the Six Kingdoms, as the North was granted independence so long as trade and alliance would continue, with Jon as her hand. Sansa was given the North to rule, with Tyrion as her hand. 

Apparently Sansa and Tyrion had reconnected since the Battle at Winterfell. Brienne was surprised, though it seemed most of the others weren’t as much; she blamed the man who had held so much of her attention the past few months. Though, if she was being honest with herself, it was more like the past few years. Regardless, on the way back to Winterfell, the two had decided to remarry, both as a political decision to promote peace amongst the once warring houses, and also a decision fueled by emotions. 

When Brienne heard this, her heart thudded loudly in her chest and she drew in a shaky breath. They had finally reached the topic of conversation Brienne was both eager and wary to discuss; the Lannisters. 

Sansa noticed the pained expression return to Brienne’s face, all to familiar in the recent weeks. “We can discuss this later, I’m sure you’re quite tired. You’ve been single-handedly running the North in the wake of quite a trying time. Maybe we should save the rest for a later date.” 

Brienne shook her head, swallowing the kept tears, and trying to mask her eyes though she knew it was a loosing battle. “No, my queen,” she smiled slightly, glad to be addressing Sansa as such, “I would like to know, if you’d tell me.” 

Sansa bowed her head, “Of course.” She was suddenly missing Tyrion’s now familiar hand on hers, the way his thumb would rub comforting circles into her skin. She breathed in, “Once Daenerys stormed the Red Keep, Cersei was immediately taken into custody.”

“Was she alone?” Brienne asked, not wanting to say his name and ask directly. 

“Qyburn was with her. The Mountain was already killed by Sandor. Qyburn was also taken into custody.” Sansa could see the question in Brienne’s eyes. She still remembered the morning she found Brienne after Jaime had left her. She was outside in her dressing gown, perched on a rock, a hand over her mouth, the other wrapped around herself, as if keeping her together. Podrick saw her first, during his patrol and brought Sansa to her at the break of dawn. Brienne’s eyes were vacant and puffy from crying as she stared into the ground before her. It was the one time Sansa had ever seen Brienne so vulnerable; only after pouring her heart out to Sansa did she build that wall back up and hide behind her rough exterior once again. 

“Jaime wasn’t with her,” Sansa answered the unspoken question, “Daenerys’s men captured him before he could make it into King’s Landing. It was there that Tyrion was able to talk some sense into him, though just to be sure they kept him imprisoned there until the siege was over. After that, during the trials, Daenerys decided to exile him from the Six Kingdoms, for his attempt to protect Cersei. He didn’t say much to defend himself, just accepted the sentence.” 

Brienne heard all the words Sansa said, but it was difficult to process. He didn’t make it to Cersei? Did Tyrion change his mind? Why did he still need to be imprisoned if he was no longer trying to save her? 

When he left, Brienne tried to make peace with the fact that that was the last interaction she’d have with him. That all of her questions would remain unanswered. But now… 

“And what of his status in the North?” Brienne’s voice was quiet. 

“I wanted to wait to hold his trial once we came back here. Obviously there’s much to consider. If we don’t allow him to remain in the North he would either have to find means to live North of the Wall or in Essos. And if he does stay here…” Sansa looked down at her clasped hands, “Well, I wanted your input. I don’t want you to end up hurt, Brienne. After everything, I would not bat an eye at exiling him. However, I know that Tyrion and perhaps even you still care for him.” She paused, “What he did to you was terrible, but I also know that you wouldn’t judge him simply on that action alone. You can think on it as long as you’d like, but let me know how you feel, and I’ll do what I can for you.” 

Sansa put a comforting hand on Brienne’s arm, and Brienne allowed it. The two were closer now than they ever had been. It had gone beyond Brienne’s oath to protect Sansa; the two were now friends, near family. 

Brienne nodded, squeezing Sansa’s hand with her own for a moment before letting go. “I’ll think about it.” Brienne looked away, desperate for a moment alone with her thoughts. “If that’s all, my queen.” 

“When it’s just us, I’m just Sansa,” Sansa smiled. “But of course, come find me later today. Perhaps we can have dinner in my quarters again.” 

Brienne allowed herself to smile slightly. That had become something of a tradition between the Battle of Winterfell and Sansa’s travels to King’s Landing. The two, and occasionally Arya or Podrick, would dine together in peace and quiet. 

“It would be a pleasure, Sansa.” Brienne replied. She turned and walked out, unsure of where she was going. She ended up in the godswood, at the weirwood tree. She had grown up in the faith of the Seven, though she heard of the Old Gods during her time in Winterfell. She didn’t necessarily know what to believe anymore, but lately she found solace in the quiet of the forest. It was comforting, and a place where no one would be able to see if a tear slipped from her eyes, except for the equally sad eyes of the weirwood. 

The godswood was still disrupted from the Battle of Winterfell; Brienne knew this was where the Night King was killed. While that kept others from going back, Brienne wasn’t disturbed; it was a reminder that humanity triumphed that night. 

But look what’s happened since… Brienne’s mind started to spiral around her. She kept as busy as she could since that night, and the duties Sansa had left her with had certainly helped. But there were also those nights in her rooms, when she’d wake up from a nightmare and reach out, half-expecting Jaime to be there, though they had been apart almost as long as they had spent together. It was those moments that broke her.

What was she to do? Should she advise Sansa to let him stay? While there was the part of her that wanted to see him and touch him and believe he was back, the logical part knew that he wasn’t here by choice, he wasn’t back for her. Brienne knew that for his efforts in the Battle of Winterfell, Jaime should be allowed to stay. She only hoped that her presence was not required at his trial, and that she wouldn’t have to face him. 

“Ser Brienne,” a familiar voice called from behind her. 

Brienne stood from her place at the base of the weirwood and turned around, already responding, “Lord Tyrion.” his eyes were sad and questioning. The time they had spent together had always been in the presence of Jaime, and his absence was quite clear now. Brienne forced a small smile, “Congratulations, the Queen told me of your engagement.” 

Tyrion smile was genuine, though it didn’t reach his eyes, “Thank you. I’m not sure everyone will be as approving of it in the North.” 

“I’m sure they will in time. You two will be quite the pair.” 

Tyrion looked down, “I must confess I followed you here. I wanted to speak to you regarding-“ he paused and sighed. “You see, there’s more to the story than what you heard from Sansa.”


	2. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyrion talks to Brienne, Sansa talks to Jaime. While Brienne learns the truth about what happened in King's Landing, Jaime has to face some hard truths himself.

Brienne’s heart dropped in her chest. But she wanted to appear unfazed, “You can say his name, Lord Tyrion. Jaime. I won’t break apart at the sound.”

“Of course not, forgive me, my lady. I mean, Ser Brienne,” Tyrion said, wringing his hands. “Jaime-“ he couldn’t find his words for once. He was always good at speaking. But this was personal, something that truly mattered to him- his brother’s happiness. 

Tyrion inhaled, trying to compose himself. “When Daenerys’s army captured Jaime, he was in quite a state. Apparently he’d been riding since he left you, I can’t imagine he stopped much or at all. The horse was worn out, I don’t think Jaime stopped to eat or sleep. When I saw him in his cell, he kept asking me what he should do. One minute he said he wanted to sneak Cersei out of King’s Landing, the next he said he was sneaking in to murder her.” His eyes darted upward. Brienne’s face was downcast, her brows furrowed, like she was trying to fit together all the pieces. 

“I got him to calm down, eventually. He knew what the battle could mean for the population of King’s Landing, he knew that Cersei didn’t care what happened to them. That seemed to snap him out of it.” Tyrion paused, “After that, he told me what he told you in Harrenhal.” 

At the mention, Brienne was taken back to that moment, holding Jaime’s body against her own, the first intimate touch they’d shared. She willed the tears that were forming back and looked back at Tyrion. “I would have thought he told you that earlier.” 

Tyrion shook his head, holding her gaze, “That was information only you were privileged to. I don’t think he would have told me, but I think he was trying to prove to himself that he was better than going back to Cersei. I was just there in the room with him. In that moment, it was like he was trying to speak to you too, because after that, he begged me to let him go, to get him his horse so he could return to Winterfell.” 

Brienne felt a flutter of hope, though it vanished quickly; if he had really wanted to leave, he would have been long ago. 

Tyrion dropped his gaze, “I could tell he was genuine, but I was afraid he’d change his mind again. I have no doubt that he wanted to return to you, but there was still that one thing I worried about; the baby. As long as Cersei lived, and the baby lived, he wouldn’t have left it with only Cersei to take care of it and well-” Tyrion stopped himself, a panicked shock running through him, “Wait, did you know about the-“

“Baby,” Brienne finished, barely voicing the word as she gasped out a breath. Cersei was pregnant? Was Jaime ever planning to stay with her? Or was he always going to return to his family? Anger surged through her and she turned on her heel, walking away from Jaime’s only living family left. 

“Brienne!” Tyrion called after her. Her first name gave her pause, and Tyrion hurried over, catching the crook of her arm with his hand. “Please, let me finish. I’m sorry I told you that, I thought you knew. But if Jaime didn’t tell you that earlier, it was probably because he didn’t want that coming between you.” 

“And yet it apparently did,” she said icily, turning around, moving her arm from his grasp. 

“I don’t know why he didn’t tell you, but it doesn’t matter anyways. Cersei was never pregnant. She was using it as a means to control him. It stopped working when he left for Winterfell, but when Bronn came to Winterfell, he acknowledged it and it must have gotten to Jaime’s head. He always cared about his children, and maybe he thought he could protect this one from Cersei, from the world.” 

“If that was his reasoning why did he consider killing Cersei?” Brienne sounded defeated. 

Tyrion couldn’t give her a sure answer, “He cared for the child, but he also knew what Cersei was, how she manipulated him. Even if he couldn’t resist it, he knew that she held that control over him. I think he knew she was dangerous and knew she was a threat. And even the child could be a threat, what with how Joffrey was…” Tyrion trailed off. “I think he wanted to kill her, and the baby was the only thing that was making him reconsider it. That’s why he was going back and forth. But like I said, she wasn’t pregnant.” 

At his pause, perhaps he was wondering if she was still going to turn and walk away, Brienne raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. 

“Once the Red Keep was captured, Cersei was imprisoned to await trial. Qyburn was imprisoned too, and when interrogated, he revealed that the pregnancy was a fraud. She was using it to keep both Jaime and Euron Greyjoy devoted to her. I went to Cersei for confirmation. She knew what was going to happen to her, didn’t really care what she said at that point. So she admitted it, proudly” Tyrion let out a disgusted laugh, “She was upset at Jaime, she thought he would come save her, save the baby that didn’t exist. She was upset that her manipulation didn't work.” 

Brienne only spoke to Cersei once directly, but she knew how cunning Cersei was, and she knew Cersei was capable of such a lie. 

Tyrion continued, “I told all of this to Jaime and then… I offered him an escape. To escape with Cersei.” His eyes were apologetic, “Since he knew the truth, I didn’t think he would take the offer, but I had to know. I needed to know he wasn’t willing to risk everything for her, that everything he had done was for her and not for the baby.” Tyrion sucked in a breath, “Needless to say, he rejected it. He said that he would stand whatever trial he faced. If he was sentenced to death, so be it. But he said if he lived he- well, he wanted to come back here. I don't regret giving him that chance; it showed that he never chose Cersei over you, he was just trying to save his child.” 

His eyes were serious, and Brienne knew he was telling the truth, or at least the truth that he knew. Obviously, only Jaime would truly ever know what his own motivations were. 

Tyrion's voice was lighter when he spoke again, “After that, you know the rest. Cersei was executed, Jaime was exiled, and I fell in love with your Queen.” Tyrion cleared his throat. He looked too Brienne for her response, but she was at a loss for words. 

When she finally spoke, he could see her mind working, and the unanswered questions in her mind, “Thank you, Lord Tyrion. I- I suppose I should go find your brother now.” 

… 

The last time Sansa had seen Jaime was during his trial. She kept to the front of the group as they ventured to Winterfell, while Jaime was at the back, carefully watched by Sandor Clegane. But now, here she was, entering his cell in her own castle. 

“Ser Jaime,” she said to the small figure hidden in the shadows. Jaime was given a regular room, not treated in such terrible ways as those before him who had awaited trial in earlier years. He was sitting on the floor, his good hand wrapped around his legs, his head resting on his knees. At her voice, he looked up, a thought interrupted. 

“Queen Sansa,” he tried to be polite. But he couldn’t help but add, “I don’t think its Ser Jaime anymore. Does an exile get to keep his title?” 

Sansa peered at him as she closed the door and walked towards him, sitting herself on the edge of his bed, “He does, when his title allows the head of my Queensguard to keep her title.” Jaime’s heartbeat lost its rhythm for a moment as he realized who Sansa was talking about. His head snapped up and she continued, “You see, according to tradition, if a knight is denounced, any knight he knighted would lose their title as well, for their honour was given by someone without honour anymore.” 

Jaime uncurled his body and sat up straighter, though he remained seated on the floor, his back pressed to the wall. “You could knight her, perhaps it would be more of an honour for her anyway.”

Sansa shook her head, “No, it wouldn’t, Ser Jaime. I know what it meant to Brienne when you knighted her.” Jaime didn’t respond, so she continued, “I can’t tell you what will happen to you. I’ve spoken with Ser Brienne on the matter and have chosen to leave that decision in her hands. She is after all, my most trusted advisor and she is the one who is supposed to help me protect the realm. But, I won’t take away your title. For Ser Brienne, and for your brother.” 

Tyrion had told Jaime of his engagement. Though Jaime had thought it purely political, he could see the affection both his brother and Sansa held for each other. He bowed his head, “Thank you, your grace.” He paused, then added, “I’m glad my brother found his equal to share his life with.” 

“What of your equal?” Sansa questioned. Her face, stony as ever, revealed no emotion. “Tyrion told me why you did what you did. But I have to know from you. While I’m allowing Brienne her say in your trial, if I think you’ll hurt her again, don’t think for one second that I’ll allow you to stay, even for Tyrion’s sake.” 

“Rightfully so,” Jaime said, looking down. He was ashamed how far astray his actions led him. The thought of where he and Brienne would be if he just hadn’t left Winterfell plagued him every night. Especially being back here, in the cold North. Though he had a fire, he missed the warmth that came from sharing their bed. But now... now it was her bed again, not their, as it had been for that month. 

“I know how wrong I was to leave. I’ve regretted it every moment since. If I was allowed to stay and she decided she didn’t want me anymore, I would keep my distance for her. If she gave me another chance, I would stay by her side for the rest of my life. No matter what, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make amends for what I’ve done to her. And I know it may never be enough. And I’ll have to live with that. I’ve never been Brienne’s equal. She’s always been better than me in every way. But… but she makes me better, and she makes me want to be her equal.” Jaime's eyes were glistening as he met Sansa's gaze with a vulnerability she had never seen from the man.

Sansa nodded a fraction. She rose, saying quietly, “Second chances were rarely given in Westeros. In the North I’d like to think we’re just and merciful. If you get a second chance, use it wisely. But also consider if it’s the right thing to do, taking your second chance. Do you think things would ever be the same as before you left? Can you rebuild that trust? Can you ask that of Brienne?” Sansa moved towards the door and added, “I’m not telling you what to do, one way or the other. But you need to think things through. For Brienne’s sake.” With that, she left, leaving Jaime feeling heavier than he had before she entered.


	3. and then you came along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne visits Jaime, confronting him for the first time since he left her in the middle of the night.

Brienne rounded the corner to the hallway she had been avoiding so far. A day had passed since her conversation with Tyrion, as of yet she hadn’t found it in her to knock on the door. While what Tyrion said changed things, at least regarding Jaime’s motivations, it didn’t change the long weeks she spent grieving the loss of him and how worthless she felt when he left her. 

Podrick was stationed outside of Jaime’s room as a guard. She questioned that decision, seeing as Podrick and Jaime had been close at some point, though she suspected Sansa had placed him there, in case Brienne needed support before or after her visit with the man on the other side of the door. 

“Ser Brienne,” Podrick addressed her as she hesitated outside of the door. He gave her a small smile, the kind that only Pod could give.

Brienne smiled back, though she was sure it looked more like a grimace. Nonetheless, she was grateful to see Pod there, and patted his shoulder lightly in thanks for, well, everything he had done for her, before knocking and entering the room. 

Jaime was seated as he was when Sansa visited, curled in on himself on the floor. But when he looked up and saw Brienne, he bolted upright and stood perhaps a little too quickly. The stars were still fading from his vision when he said in a thick voice, “Ser Brienne.” 

Brienne crossed the room towards him, though she kept a larger distance than one usually would when having a conversation. She willed herself to be strong, and forced in a neutral tone, “Ser Jaime.” She simply looked at him for a long moment. His hair was longer, and his beard a bit fuller than the last time she saw him. His face looked more gaunt, though she was sure he was being fed here. Perhaps it was from his time in King’s Landing, but that didn’t explain away the still lingering dark circles under his eyes.

He wore a pained expression as he met her eyes. She could see the shame there, as well as the embarrassment. Though she knew that the embarrassment he felt was likely for going to King’s Landing at all, but the heartbroken, insecure part of her told her that the embarrassment was felt for their relationship and the time they had spent together, and her presence brought that all rushing back to him. This is why you need to do this, she thought to herself. 

Jaime opened his mouth slightly, but was unsure if he should speak, and even more unsure of what he could say; he regretted every moment he had spent since he left Winterfell, but how could he tell her that to make her believe it, understand how truly ashamed he felt? Did he deserve for the burden on his soul to be lessened, to ask even the slightest forgiveness from her? 

He didn’t have time to gather his thoughts when Brienne spoke in a quiet voice, “Please, before you say anything, I just need to say a few things first.” Jaime’s mouth closed and he waited for her. After a few grounding breaths, she started, “Tyrion told me about King’s Landing, how torn you were, why you did what you did. And I think part of me knew that something wasn’t right when you left, that you weren’t thinking as clearly as before. But I also couldn’t just assume that; maybe our time together was you not thinking clearly and then all of a sudden you came to your sense and decided that I wasn’t the choice you wanted to make.” Brienne paused, pushing a stray hair from her face. 

Another deep breath. “For so long, I thought I was in love with Renly. When I was a girl, I kept the memories of him dancing with me so close to my heart, because he made me feel like I was enough. And I wanted to be enough for him. When I became aware of his preferences, it cut like a knife, because the one person who saw something in me would never want me back. I buried the feelings I had, and I told myself that I couldn’t have those feelings when they wouldn’t be reciprocated, which woudl probably be the case regardless. And then he married Margaery and it was that pain all over again. I knew it wasn’t his choice, but he was still hers and I never would be. And then he died, and it was like… it never mattered that he didn’t reciprocate my feelings, it just mattered that he was gone. And I didn’t want to have that kind of loss again. So I buried it all deeper. And then you came along.” 

Jaime’s eyes were downcast until that point, then he met her gaze, her sad, soft gaze. It was so vulnerable. He remembered how pleading her eyes were that night, when he walked away. The memory was so painful, even now. He looked away again. 

“We were always on opposite sides, and as soon as I realized my growing affection, I tried to get rid of it. I didn’t think that it could be harder than burying those feelings for Renly, but every time I saw you again, or had to say goodbye again, it was ten times worse than the last time, ten times worse than losing Renly. Then Winterfell… you came here. You knighted me, and that could have been enough. Just knowing that you saw me in such away… I was ready to die knowing that that was what you thought of me. I thought it would be enough. Then afterwards, you came to me. At first, I didn’t allow myself to think it was real for you, or that it was driven by feelings for me. But you kept coming back, and you wanted to stay with me. And I finally let a small part of myself have hope that maybe this was something that I could have. That for once I would be enough.” 

Brienne’s lower lip trembled uncontrolled as she took in a breath, but she held her hand to her face, trying to gain a semblance of control. “When you left, every loss I had felt before paled in comparison. So maybe part of me knew that what we had was real, and there were external factors that led to you leaving that night, but mostly I just felt like that pathetic little girl on Tarth, realizing that the man who had asked her to dance had just done it to be polite, to give her a nice memory amidst all the bad, not because he held any affection for her.” 

When she stopped for an extended pause, Jaime whispered, “We were the most real thing I’ve ever known.” 

Brienne’s lips twitched up in a sad smile, “I’ve been thinking about it, what Tyrion said, about the baby, your baby. That was what was real to you. And rightfully so, I suppose. But, I can’t help but think that you made that choice because it was Cersei’s child.” She took a breath, “When you left, I could have also been pregnant. We didn’t exactly take any precautions that first night…” Jaime’s eyes widened, and Brienne answered the unasked question, “I’m not. But I thought about it after you left, and then I thought about it again after Tyrion told me why you left. It was always Cersei for you, Cersei’s children that you wanted. Whether consciously or not, you chose them as your family, not me.” 

The room was so silent, that Brienne could hear Podrick’s feet shuffling outside of the door. She wandered if he was able to hear their conversation. It didn’t really matter, she supposed, he’d already seen her in that state, in the hours after Jaime had left. 

“Brienne,” Jaime’s voice was tired, and strained, “I don’t think I ever allowed myself to even think of the possibility that you could have been…. I’d like to think that would have changed things. I can’t stop going over what I did, and how I left you, and how that must have felt. I keep thinking about what would have happened if I had just stayed. But I didn’t. And I’m truly so sorry.” Jaime swallowed, “And I can’t undo it. And part of me thinks that I should ask you to have Sansa exile me, because I don’t want to ever cause you pain again. But another part of me, the selfish part, just wants to talk to you, apologize, beg forgiveness. I couldn’t ask anything more, I couldn’t ask for a second chance. I just… if anything, I just wish I could convince you how real my feelings are for you. Cersei’s hold over me- it was always toxic, always part of a bigger plot of hers. But you- it was so pure and genuine." He sighed, "When I left, I felt like I had no choice. Like I had to go to her, for the baby’s sake. And somewhere along the way, it was like I couldn’t tell what was right or wrong, what I felt and what Cersei made me feel, I didn’t know anything. Then with Tyrion- when I talked about Harrenhal, I felt right and real again because I felt closer to you, despite being hundreds of miles away. It was the only time things started to make sense again. I'm so sorry, Brienne."

“Your selflessness has always been your downfall, Jaime,” Brienne said, her voice in a more conversational tone, though still weighed down by everything between them. “You do things for others blindly, and sometimes it leads you to make the right choices, and sometimes it leads you to make the wrong ones.” 

“Those things I said, when I left you,” Jaime answered her, “The things I had done for Cersei, they were all the mistakes. And there I was, making another one for her.” 

“But you’ve also done good when you’ve acted selflessly. You protected me from Bolton’s men, you jumped into a bear pit. You got me and Pod out of King’s Landing where we could’ve been taken prisoner. You armed me, gave me Oathkeeper to protect the Stark girls when it went against your family.” 

Jaime had never counted those times before. He had done those things not only without thinking of himself, but without thinking, period. He just knew what he had to do and did it. Whenever he did something for Cersei, he didn’t think about the consequences for himself, but he was always hesitant, knowing the harm he was doing. But Brienne brought out what was best in him. 

“I think you need to understand that you’re deserving of forgiveness yourself,” Brienne interrupted his thoughts. This took him by surprise. She continued, “I don’t know how to personally move on, reconcile how I’ve felt since you’ve been gone with why you left and where that leaves us. But I do know that on a larger scale you’re a good man, Jaime. And you need to see that, too.” 

“Thank you,” His voice was husky as he spoke the words, sure that no one had ever said those words to him before, and certainly not as genuinely. He met her eyes, even a deeper blue than he remembered, and found it impossible to look away. 

“Right now, you may not be the man that I fell in love with, but you’re certainly not the man I met all those years ago.” Brienne hadn’t realized how close they had drifted towards each other, shifting on their feet, drawn together like magnets, until they were only a few feet from each other. 

Noting their proximity, Brienne stepped back, breaking their eye contact to turn and look at the door. “I should go,” she said, regretfully. She couldn’t tell if she had just ended something for good, or brought them back on a path they had been on for quite some time. “Bye, Jaime.” 

Jaime didn’t have it in him to return the sentiment. He knew he would see her again publicly, assuming she would be at his trial, but he couldn’t even bring himself to consider that this was the last time they would speak, just the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed this update. I am currently looking for a beta for this particular work so if anyone would be interested, please let me know! I would really appreciate it.


	4. like family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Untraditional family members talk and laugh together. Just a little bit of fluff to balance out the angst of the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter. It meant the world to me that my story means something to you! I truly appreciate all of you. :)

When Brienne left the room, she gave a small smile to Pod before walking away. Podrick heard a bit of what was said behind the door. Enough to know that Brienne had told Jaime how she had felt those weeks when he left. Rightfully so. He also knew that things didn’t end on bad terms. Which he was grateful for. 

Once Podrick could no longer hear Brienne’s footsteps, he made a hasty decision and, despite being the guard to Jaime’s door, decided to step in to the room to speak with the man. 

“Ser Jaime,” Podrick called into the room. 

Jaime was still standing, staring blankly at the door as if in a trance. Podrick’s voice returned him to the present and Jaime gave a small smile, “Hi, Podrick.” 

“Are you ok?” Podrick asked, shutting the door behind him.

“Of course,” Jaime answered, though his voice cracked. 

Pod nearly rolled his eyes. He walked over and sat down on the bed, and patted the spot next to him for Jaime to sit. Confused, Jaime followed the direction. “I swear, sometimes the both of you treat me like I’m your child. You can be honest with me, you know. I don’t need protection, at least emotionally. I genuinely just want to be here for you.” 

Jaime looked at Podrick, squinting a bit as he took in the sight of the man, trying to reconcile it with the memory of the boy he had sent with Brienne so long ago. He gave a half-hearted chuckle, “Thanks, Pod. I suppose you’re right; we don't need to protect you. Even on the battlefield, I'd say- you're getting quite good.” 

“Thanks,” Pod smiled then nodded, “And good, I'm glad that's cleared up. At least you’re easier to convince then Ser Brienne was.” 

At the mention of her, Jaime’s eyes grew both happier and sadder- almost nostalgic, “She’s fierce in protecting everyone. But you, it was always more, wasn’t it?” 

Podrick nodded, grateful for Brienne's care all those years, but then he spoke in a more serious tone, “I know you’re not okay right now. Just like I knew she wasn’t okay when I found her outside the night you left. It was horrible, Jaime. It was like… like she was barely there, like you took everything she had with you when you left. Things got better, but it was bad for a while.” He paused, sighing. “It’ll be bad for a while now, too. Things can’t just change overnight. Give her time, but don’t give up the fight.” 

“Why would you want us together? You were there to pick up the pieces last time. How do you know I won’t hurt her again?” Jaime was genuinely confused that someone as pure as Podrick could have that much faith in him. 

“I know how much you love her, Ser Jaime. And I don’t think you would have hurt her if you didn’t think you had another choice. But I know you won’t make that same mistake again.” 

Jaime shook his head, amazed at Podrick’s level-headedness. “Isn’t this the part where you threaten to kill me if I mess up again?” 

“Oh, don’t worry. There are plenty of people who would be fighting for that chance, but I don’t think that day will ever come.” Pod grinned. 

Jaime smiled back, feeling a little bit lighter. He patted Podrick’s shoulder,similar to the way Brienne had earlier in the day. 

…

A few days later, Brienne found herself walking in the courtyard with Sansa. They had already discussed Jaime, mere hours after Brienne finished her conversation with him. Since then, they hadn’t discussed the Lannisters much. But now, Sansa needed to change things. 

“Brienne,” Sansa addressed her, to assure Brienne that this was an informal conversation between friends rather than between Queen and Queensguard.

“Sansa?” Brienne responded as Sansa had told her to many times over. 

“So Tyrion and I have been discussing our wedding plans and, well, we were planning to have the ceremony sooner than we had originally planned.” Sansa started. Brienne could hear the hesitation in her voice, which would have been imperceptible to anyone else, save Tyrion. 

“When exactly will it take place?” Brienne asked, pausing their walk. 

“In 3 days time. The ceremony will be private, followed by a feast for those in the North that wish to attend. We sent out ravens a few days ago, but I didn’t want to bring it up right away because-“ 

“Jaime,” Brienne finished for her, “And that’s why you moved it up, right? Three days, that’s right before Jaime’s trial.” 

Sansa nodded, and the two continued walking, “Tyrion wants his brother there.” 

“Of course,” Brienne’s voice was neutral, giving away nothing, “It only seems right for Jaime to be able to attend his brother’s wedding.” 

“Well,” Sansa corrected, “He’ll actually be part of the wedding. And I was hoping you’d be willing to be a part of it, too. You see, Tyrion and I wanted to have customs from the North and the South in our marriage from the Lannisters and the Starks and the Tullys, and so we’ll be reciting the vows of the Seven in front of the Weirwood tree, and we will also have our own witnesses. I was hoping you'd be my witness.” 

Despite the clashing emotions she felt regarding Jaime, a warmth spread over Brienne at the thought that Sansa wanted her to be a part of the wedding. “What about Arya?” 

“I sent a raven to her to invite her, but to be honest, I want it to be you standing there with me.” Sansa stopped to look at Brienne. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. But we’ve always been so different. We are family, and that won’t change. But you… it’s like we chose to be family. And you carry a piece of my mother with you, and I want her there with me, too. But of course, it’s so much more than that. You’re a sister to me, now, too.” 

Brienne’s eyes swam with tears, “It would be an honour, Sansa.” 

Sansa placed an arm on Brienne’s and squeezed it, “Besides, who says we might not truly be sisters one day?” As Brienne processed the words, her eyes widened. Sansa continued with a coy smile, “I mean, the connection between you and Bran is remarkable.” 

Sansa remained serious for a beat, then broke out in a smile as Brienne let out a hearty laugh. Only Sansa could allude to something between Brienne and Jaime only to play it off and still manage to remain in one piece. Brienne shook her head, still smiling, “I suppose there’s always a chance.” 

Sansa smiled, her voice more serious, once again, “Yes, there always is.” They continued on their walk, discussing what traditions the ceremony would consist of, unaware of the brothers watching them from the tower above, both with eyes full of love.


	5. until the end of my days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyrion and Sansa get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The words of the wedding ceremony were taken from the Game of Thrones wiki, though some were edited a bit to fit the scene a bit better.

The next 3 days flew by quickly. The day of the wedding, Sansa stopped by Brienne's rooms to finish preparations for the ceremony- as queen she had been so busy that she hadn't had time prior to meet with her. 

While Brienne would have been perfectly content to wear her standard armor to the wedding, a part of her she thought long buried flared up with excitement when Sansa mentioned that she had one of her seamstresses sew a dress for Brienne for the ceremony. 

“It’s just… Podrick will be there acting as a guard so you won’t be needed in that capacity, and I wanted to get you something to say thank you. I would have sewn it myself but I needed to finish something else before the ceremony.” Sansa hesitated as she told Brienne, extending the flowing fabric towards her. 

Brienne ran a hand over the dress before taking it from Sansa. “Thank you, Your Grace." She paused, feeling breathless, "I’ve found little need for dresses for most of my life, but this one is quite beautiful. I look forward to wearing it.” And she had meant it. The bodice was a deep blue, and had golden embroidery across it meant to mimic the lines on her armor. The skirt was mostly a pale blue color, layered over other shades of blue. 

“I thought it would match your eyes,” Sansa smiled, “That, and I wanted it to be in Tarth colors; blue and gold, yes?” Brienne nodded. She lifted a sleeve to look at it more closely; the end was trimmed with a golden lace that was designed to look like suns and moons. 

“Thank you,” Brienne repeated in a whisper. 

Sansa’s smile brightened further. She cleared her throat, “Right, well, I suppose I should be going. I need to get ready myself.” The ceremony would take place at dusk, which would then be followed by the feast that Brienne imagined could last well into the next morning. “Oh, one more thing,” Sansa pulled out a thin, folded ribbon, and handed it to Brienne. 

Brienne unfolded it and realized what it was; the ribbon that would be tied around Tyrion and Sansa’s hands as they said their vows. Only Sansa had embroidered it herself, so that there were tens of direwolves and lions along it’s length, representing the two houses joining. 

“My mother told me that the Tully’s used to embroider them, as a way of celebrating the union. During the ceremony, you’ll give the ribbon to Jaime and he’ll tie it around our hands to symbolize both family’s acceptance of the couple.” 

Brienne nodded, mesmerized by Sansa’s intricate stitchwork. “I’ll keep it safe until then.” 

Sansa squeezed Brienne’s hand once before leaving the room. “I’ll see you in a bit.” She looked so much younger to Brienne, the light of love lessening the load she had carried for so long. 

…

While traditionally a woman took her husband’s surname once married, both Sansa and Tyrion had made it clear they wanted to reverse the tradition; Tyrion had no desire to continue the Lannister name himself, and Sansa wanted the Stark name to carry on in Winterfell. 

When Tyrion told him this, Jaime was taken back by his wording; Tyrion specifically said that he himself did not want to continue the Lannister name, as if there was a possibility that Jaime would. Jaime knew that wasn’t the case. He knew that even Tyrion knew there was no other woman for him now, that there would never be anyone other than Brienne. And Jaime knew there was likely no hope there, much less a desire on Brienne’s part to bear his children. 

The idea though, that Tyrion had some idea that he might have a future with Brienne, stuck with Jaime well into the afternoon and evening, as Jaime waited with Tyrion in the godswood, where they would meet Sansa and Brienne under the weirwood tree. 

He was looking into the face of the weirwood tree, the deep red sap of the eyes, when he heard Tyrion’s breath hitch. He followed Tyrion’s gaze to the figures approaching the tree; Sansa wore a pale grey dress, maintaining the Stark color, though the gown was delicate and flowing, gems sparkling as the sunlight hit her. Her standard crown of direwolves was replaced with a crown of yellow daffodils and red roses; colors of the Lannisters. 

To Sansa’s right was Podrick, in a shining suit of armour, far from the boy he had once sent away with Brienne. Brienne… 

She walked on Pod’s other side. Jaime felt his heart stop, and he imagined he looked similar to the way Tyrion had as he doted on his approaching bride. She looked as powerful in her dress as she did in a suit of armour. The skirt of it was layered in pale blue and off white fabric, darkening to a deeper blue closer the ground. As she walked, it flowed as if it was made of water. And the bodice- the gold shimmered in the sunlight, outlining her chest as though it was a suit of armour; the detailing mimicked that of the armour he had given her. He recognized the design instantly and felt a fire flare up in him. 

She looked like a goddess, emerging from the water, battle ready and beautiful. 

Once close enough, Brienne met Jaime’s eyes, and he wondered if she could read his thoughts. Something must have showed on his face, as a blush crept onto her cheeks and she looked away, towards Sansa. 

Under the canopy, Sansa immediately reached for Tyrion, taking one of his hands in hers as they turned towards the septon who was officiating. Podrick drifted to the edge of the canopy, where he could stand guard and watch the ceremony. 

As Jon and Bran were busy with the upkeep of the new reign and Arya was unable to make it back in time, the only other person present was Sandor Clegane, technically Jaime’s “guard,” though he was really there for Sansa, who would always be his little bird. 

The septon began, requesting that Tyrion cloak Sansa. Jaime handed the cloak to Tyrion, who then wrapped in around Sansa as she knelt down. The cloak’s interior matched the pale grey of Sansa’s dress, though the back was embroidered across the entire surface with golden thread. 

“We stand here in front of the Old Gods and the New to witness the union of man and wife. One flesh, one heart, one soul, now and forever.” Sansa turned to Brienne and nodded to signal her to give the ribbon to Jaime. 

Brienne looked back at Jaime, whose eyes were already on her. Jaime met her as she walked towards him, each right behind the bride and groom respectively. Jaime could only stare at her, forgetting himself and his duty for a moment. He noticed that her hair was longer now than when he had left. When she had visited him earlier in the week, it was brushing along the collar of her shirt. Now it was tied back loosely. He could see yellow petals peeking around her head, suggesting it was being held back with a small string of flowers. 

As he admired her, Brienne took his left hand in hers, turning it palm up, and placed the folded ribbon in it. Her hand was cold against his, and she was so delicate with her touch. She closed his fingers around the ribbon and then pulled away from him. At the loss of her touch, he snapped back to reality. He smiled bashfully at her before turning towards the couple. Tyrion grinned at him before turning back to Sansa, and they held their hands out between them, for Jaime to tie the ribbon around. 

Jaime unfolded it, noticing the small lions and wolves, the animals facing towards each other, with less ferocious expressions than they were typically depicted with. He was able to maneuver the cloth to wrap around their joined hands, but he had difficulty tying the knot using his golden hand. 

After a moment, he felt Brienne at his side. He looked over and realized she had come to help him. He started to step back, to let her do it, but she stopped him, whispering, “You're to tie it, I’ll just help you.” 

Jaime nodded a fraction. She took the end he would have held in his right hand in hers, then placed her left hand over his hand, to help guide him, and together they tied the knot around Sansa and Tyrion’s hands. 

This time, when they let go of the ribbon, her hand lingered on his as they stepped back. She only let go as they both moved towards their respective spots next to the bride and groom. 

“Good,” the septon nodded, continuing, “Let it be known that Sansa of House Stark and Tyrion of House Lannister are one heart, one flesh, one soul. Cursed be he who would seek to tear them asunder. I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one for eternity.” The septon untied the ribbon and handed it back to Brienne, though the hands remained joined, symbolizing they were now bound together, even without the physical tie. 

Sansa and Tyrion then joined their other hands and faced each other instead of the face of the weirwood, as they prepared to say their vows of the Seven. 

“Look upon each other and say the words.” And so they did. 

“Father” Jaime looked towards Brienne, and remembered calling upon the father as he knighted her.

“Smith” She seemed to have the same thought, as her gaze shifted from Sansa and Tyrion to Jaime. 

“Warrior” In the name of the warrior I charge you to be brave.

“Mother” Brienne had tears forming in her eyes.

“Maiden” She truly had been so brave, brave in battle, brave in the aftermath. 

“Crone” Her hands tightened around the ribbon, her thumb running over one of the embroidered lions. 

“Stranger” They could never just be strangers again. 

“I am hers, and she is mine,” Tyrion said as Sansa spoke, “I am his, and he is mine”

And together they finished, “from this day, until the end of my days.” 

“Until the end of my days,” Jaime mouthed without realizing, though Brienne had seen. And she knew he meant it. Finally, Jaime looked away, a sadness overwhelming him as he realized he might never truly say those words to her. They could never be strangers again, but they might never be more than they were now. Instead, he looked to Tyrion and Sansa. 

Sansa dropped to one knee, cupping Tyrion’s face with one hand. “With this kiss, I pledge my love,” Tyrion recited, though Jaime had never heard it said so truly and genuinely in a ceremony before. As Tyrion kissed Sansa, ending the ceremony and bringing cheers from everyone present, Jaime wondered if perhaps marriage would become less political now. That maybe, going forward, people would be able to marry for love instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been planning the wedding scene for a while, so I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter will be immediately following the ceremony.
> 
> Also just a bit of a sidenote, there is meaning in the flowers that both Sansa and Brienne have in their hair, and that might come up again in another chapter ;)


	6. not forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celebrations follow Tyrion and Sansa's wedding, but Brienne and Jaime find themselves alone in the godswood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

The sound of feet crunching in the snow made Brienne turn away from the weirwood tree. When her blue eyes met green, Jaime took a step backwards. 

“Sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be out here,” he went to turn back. 

“Wait,” Brienne called, “you can stay.” 

Jaime nodded, despite knowing the conversation would be awkward, he would have given his left hand for a chance to speak to her like this. 

“It was a beautiful ceremony,” Jaime started, though he instantly regretted it. If there really was a moment between them during the ceremony, should he be calling attention to it? 

Brienne agreed, “It was lovely. Unlike any other I’d seen.” She met his gaze, “why aren’t you enjoying the feast?” 

Jaime walked closer towards her, so he too was under the canopy of branches. “Tyrion thought it might be best if I only attend the ceremony and not the feast. Too public. Their marriage is already ruffling some feathers and they don’t really need the refugee Lannister upsetting more people.” He wasn’t sad, his tone was more matter-of-fact. “What about you?” 

Brienne shrugged, “I suppose feasts never really were my thing. And I’ve attended one too many dances for that to be an appealing festivity.” She shifted her weight, leaning more towards Jaime. 

“I suppose it’s for the best,” Jaime said, nudging her shoulder with his gently, “if Renly were here today I’d say he’d have some genuine competition to ask you to dance.” His eyes drifted down to her dress, “You’re quite stunning.” 

There was a pause between them before he added, “Not that you need a dress to be stunning.” He hadn’t meant it to sound so... sensual, but it had come out that way. He was going to backtrack, explain he had just meant to compliment her, but the blush that stained her cheeks stopped him. If she didn’t say anything, maybe this was progress. 

“Thank you,” Brienne answered simply, “Sansa had it made for me.” 

Jaime moved so he was in front of her, and reached out his hand, lightly running it along her sleeve, “It looks like your armour.” 

Brienne looked down at her dress, as if she hadn’t memorized the look of it. She smiled, “Yes, I suppose it does.” 

“Glorious,” Jaime muttered, half to himself. Brienne wasn’t sure if he was talking about the dress, or her, though she supposed she knew what he meant, and a shiver ran down her spine. 

“I remember when I gave you that armour,” Jaime said a little louder, though his voice was still only loud enough to cross the inches between them, “and Oathkeeper.” He looked in her eyes, though not dropping his hand, where it now rested against the back of her own. “I wished there was another way. I wanted you to stay with me, even then, even though we weren’t on the same side. But you couldn't, and we had an oath to keep, so I did all I could to protect you. And I just- I suppose I just wanted you to take a part of me with you.” 

Brienne’s hand twitched against his own, her fingers curling around his slightly, “At Riverrun, you said-“ 

“It will always be yours. It was more than just a sword. It still is. And it will still always be yours, until the end of my days.” He didn’t have to say it, she knew what he meant- his heart. She had seen him mouth the words as Tyrion and Sansa said them. 

He continued, “I’ve made many mistakes, and I don’t think I could have ever even begun to forgive myself for those, if you hadn’t taught me what real honor, real love is. If you hadn’t shown me the part of myself that I can actually be proud of.” He paused, “I haven’t forgiven myself for what I’ve done, but I can see things better now. I can grow from all of it, because of you. I can be a better man and be who I am meant to be. So that those things I had done, they don’t become the only things that define me.” 

Brienne cupped his cheeks with her hands, her eyes shining as she looked at him. She knew he wasn’t just saying this because he thought that’s what she wanted to hear. He was saying it because he meant it, and she was the one he needed to say it to. Her hands dropped down, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hands curling into his hair as she pressed her forehead to his. 

Jaime’s arms wrapped around her waist, his hand pulling her in tighter to him. As they stood there, he started to sway slightly, her body following his movement. 

He hummed quietly, tunelessly, the sound vibrating against Brienne’s hands. “Jaime?” She whispered. 

“Hmmm?” He asked, not breaking his hum. 

“Are you dancing with me?” She smiled a bit as she asked. 

Jaime tilted his head back to look at her, though they kept swaying. “It seems that way.” A grin pulled at the corners of his mouth, and it felt like home to Brienne. And she wanted nothing more than to come home. 

Her smile mirrored his, and Jaime found himself drawn to it. His lips were barely touching hers when she tensed, moving back a fraction. He felt the change immediately, as her hands stilled against the back of his neck, and her breath stopped for a moment. 

“I’m sorry,” he started immediately, dropping his hand from her waist and stepping backwards, “I-“

“No,” Brienne shook her head, trying to calm her racing heart. “I’m sorry, I thought I could- I wanted to- Then I just got- scared, I suppose.” She hated admitting it. But this was Jaime. And despite the urge she felt to flee, she knew she could trust him again. She wanted to, at least, though something in her mind held her back. 

When she realized he was about to kiss her, she felt that anticipation again, remembering the heady rush she felt the first time he kissed her. But then she felt that stabbing pain of loss that stayed with her since the moment he left. 

Jaime could only nod in response. He was angry with himself for overstepping, worried that he had ruined any progress they had made. As if reading his thoughts, Brienne took a step towards him again, “You didn’t do anything wrong tonight, don’t be angry with yourself.” 

Jaime let out a breath, tears welling up in his eyes. He didn’t deserve her, but if she ever wanted him again, he would do everything in his power to become the man she deserved, the man he wanted himself to be. 

“Maybe I should go,” Brienne said, adding hastily, “Just for tonight, not forever.” Jaime nodded, and she cupped his face with her hand again, placing a delicate kiss against cheek before walking back towards Winterfell. 

Jaime remained under the weirwood, looking into the face again, as he had before the ceremony. His eyes followed the trail of red sap down the trunk, and he noticed a bright spot of yellow at the base of the tree. He knelt down, and picked up a small yellow flower. It must have fallen out of Brienne’s hair during their exchange. Jaime looked at the flower a moment, then tucked it safely into the pocket of his cloak. 

Brienne’s words echoed around his head. Just for tonight, not forever. Just for tonight, not forever. Somehow, that was as meaningful to him as the vows that were said in that same place hours earlier; the same kind of oath, the same kind of promise of a future. Until the end of my days.


	7. like coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne has a realization.

The day after the wedding, Winterfell was quiet. Most of the castle was still asleep; Brienne had heard the celebration last well into the morning and she imagined many people were sleeping off hangovers. 

Brienne enjoyed the quiet. Emotions had been too high for too long, both good and bad, and it was nice to just have a moment where there was nothing to celebrate and nothing to fear- a moment to simply exist, complacent and safe. 

The one sound that broke through to her as she patrolled the castle walls, was the sound of swords clashing in the training yard. The sound wasn’t violent, but musical. And part of her couldn’t help but miss that sound. She didn’t long to be fighting again, but she did long to spar. She still trained with Podrick when she could, though her duties in the wake of the war often had her in council meetings rather than on the training grounds. 

Brienne made her way towards the sound, remaining on the upper level of the castle walls, where she could see but not be seen. 

On the training yard, in the early morning light, Jaime was sparring with a laughing Podrick, who had just ducked as Jaime removed his golden hand and threw it in Pod’s general direction, though well off to the side. 

They paused, as Jaime went to retrieve it, grinning as well. “I knew this thing would come in handy one day.” He said. As he picked it up with his good hand, he waved the golden hand and repeated, “Handy.” 

Podrick laughed again and walked over to Jaime to inspect it. “It doesn’t seem to be very useful.”

Jaime sighed, “Cersei’s gift. Ornamental, which I suppose should have told me how she saw me.” He said it simply, without the trace of hurt he used to have when he talked about her in the past. “Eventually I hope to find something more useful, but for now, I suppose it works well enough.” 

Jaime seemed to take note of Podrick’s empathy for him and lightened the mood, playfully knocking Pod's shoulder with he golden hand, “Let’s go again. I promise I won’t cheat this time.” 

Brienne watched, smiling to herself, as Podrick nodded enthusiastically and Jaime clapped him on the back before they returned to a fighting stance. She thought back to a particular moment between the two after the Battle of Winterfell. 

It couldn’t have been more than an hour after Arya killed the Night King. Everyone was milling about, trying to catch their breath whilst accounting for those who had fallen and those who were left standing. While they had been side by side throughout the whole fight, Brienne had been separated from Pod and Jaime once the wights around them dropped. A distressed Sansa had come to her, asking what had happened. She remembered pulling the girl to her, calming her down while assuring her the fighting was over. It was only after Tyrion had come up to them, taking Sansa’s hand in his to go look for survivors, that Brienne turned back around. 

She made her way back to the wall where they had last been fighting, and stopped a few meters away. Podrick had a vacant look in his eyes, his weight against the wall, while Jaime held a firm hand on his arm, trying to help the boy process what had happened, just as she had done for Sansa. 

She saw that same care- love- in Jaime as he sparred playfully with Podrick now. it reminded her of the Jaime she loved. It showed her he was there, not just for her, not just to get another shot with the only woman he loved that was still alive- it was bigger than them, and that he was genuine in his return and wanting to make up for his mistakes. 

Brienne had stepped back, receding into the warmer interior of the castle, and made her way back to her room. She sat on her bed, on Jaime’s side of the bed, and allowed herself to grieve again. She wanted to let go of that pain. And though it may never fully go away, she could move past it. So, she didn’t grieve for the man that left her, but rather for the time they’d lost. 

It was only when she felt a drop on her hands, clasped in her lap, that she realized she was crying. She usually didn’t let herself cry anymore, not since those first few days after he left, but she found it hard not too, as she felt the overwhelming ache for him. For the man who had engrained himself so absolutely into her life that it felt as though he was a part of her very soul. 

She never believed in soulmates. She remembered the other girls on Tarth speaking of their one true love, the other half of their soul, that they longed to meet someday. Brienne had known well enough by then, at least she had been told enough, that she would never find that love, that it only existed in fairytales. But maybe this was what they longed for. The love that overcame all the obstacles, that was so pure and real and right that it even made you love yourself more because they showed you what you couldn’t see. 

Brienne didn’t know what she believed, but she knew what she felt, and she was sure in Jaime, sure in her trust in him. She wondered how long she had been there, sitting on his side of the bed, thinking things through, but when she looked outside, the sun was directly overhead, and she figured that they only had a few more hours of the quiet solitude before the celebrators awoke, and resumed their lives. She didn’t want to waste those hours. 

…

Given the fact that he was now technically brother to the Queen in the North, Jaime had been moved to another room prior to the wedding. It was slightly bigger, closer to his brother’s quarters, and there were no guards stationed outside his room. Brienne knocked on his door, and it flew open only moments later. Jaime’s eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly stepped aside to let her in. She smiled at the fire he had going before turning around to meet his eyes. 

“Hi,” he breathed out, and gestured towards the wooden chairs near the fire, “Would you like to sit?” 

“Please,” she nodded, taking the seat opposite him. She looked at him, suddenly unsure how to continue, how to explain the revelation she had earlier. So, she said, “I saw you sparring with Pod earlier.” 

“Oh,” Jaime looked down, smiling slightly, “I don’t know how much you saw, but you’ve trained him well- even with my sword hand he would’ve given me a good fight.” 

“You never even said that about me,” Brienne said lightly, “Even after I had beaten you- while you still had your sword hand.” 

There was a playful spark to Jaime’s eyes, but it disappeared quickly, though the warmth remained, “I think it goes without saying you would’ve beaten me.”

Brienne looked at him for a moment, then said suddenly, “I miss you.” She blushed, then added, “I mean- I miss how we used to talk. Even when we were together, you always would say things to try to get under my skin. But now, you don’t. I suppose I appreciate you taking things seriously since you’ve been back, but I feel like, given our conversation last night, you’d be able to talk with me like before.” 

Jaime’s eyes glimmered, though she couldn’t quite place the emotion, “I didn’t want to cross a line, push you where you didn’t want to go. You know my feelings for you, you didn’t need reminding, at least not in that way.” 

“But that doesn’t have anything to do with feelings, it’s always just been how we talk- wait. Are you telling me your mocking a-and provoking have been you flirting?” 

“For the majority of the past 7 years, yes. I would have thought it was obvious. I like getting a reaction out of you. But since I’ve been back, I didn’t want to… encourage things in the wrong way. I wanted you to come to me, not because I provoked you, but because you wanted to.” 

Brienne looked at Jaime, then at the floor, and said softly, “I want to.” 

“Wha-“ Jaime stood up out of his seat, “Brienne, are you sure. I mean, I know last night, we almost- but I want you to be sure.” 

“Jaime?” she asked, standing up as well. She cupped his cheeks as she did the previous night. “I’m sure.” She slowly closed the gap between them, and pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss. The feel was so familiar, like coming home. Jaime was frozen, and she moved back slightly to look into his eyes. “Are you ok with this?” 

Jaime nodded quickly, his mouth in a tight line, as if he was willing himself not to smile. “I just- are you sure, Brienne?”

Brienne pressed her forehead against his, “Yes, I’m sure. And that’s the last time I’ll say it. I know you’re a good man. You know you’re a good man. And I love you.”

“I love you,” she could feel the words resonate into her as he said them. 

She leaned back to look at him again. “Good. Now shut up and kiss me.” 

And so he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had a bit of difficulty with writing it. I know that they aren't always jesting with each other, particularly in some of their more intense scenes shown in the show, but I believe that Jaime definitely would have joked with her a lot during their time together in Winterfell. So I hope that made sense? There are still a few chapters to go!


	8. moments later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Jaime in the moments after their kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been long since I've updated! This fic has taken a bit of a backseat to my other WIP, coffee and conversations, but I still do plan to continue this story! Here's a little fluffy chapter for you.

Jaime was the one to pull away first, though it took a long time for him to do so. Breathlessly, he said, “We should stop, for now,” 

“Right,” Brienne said, smoothing down the hair she mussed up on the top of Jaime’s head. “I should check in on Sansa and-“ 

“No,” Jaime put a hand on her arm, “I mean, we should stop and discuss things. There’s a lot to be said, and my trial is the day after next…” It hung in the air between them- this could be the only chance they get. While Brienne and Sansa both might want Jaime to stay, a delegate from each of the great houses in the North would sit in on the trial and were able to speak their mind. Though Jaime fought beside them in battle, it appeared they were much more forgiving to Tyrion than to him, some still cursing him as the Kingslayer behind closed doors. 

Brienne nodded, suddenly at a loss for words. Jaime seemed to be, too, as the fire reflected in his glistening eyes. In that moment, Jaime did the only thing he could do, and pulled her close to him, hugging her tightly to his chest, his good hand on her upper back, his golden hand at her waist 

Once she realized what he was doing- they hadn’t hugged very often before, only in those soft moments before they fell asleep, or in a quick fashion as a greeting at Brienne’s door- Brienne threw her arms around him. 

A minute later, Brienne whispered into Jaime’s ear, “Wait,” and stepped back, lifting his golden hand from her waist. She removed the fasteners with ease and familiarity, and smiled, knowing that she was the only one besides Jaime who was able to do so. She turned around and tossed it onto Jaime’s bed. 

She then resumed their hug, whispering again, “We can find you something more useful than that thing in the future. Because we have a future.” She looked at him so he could see the truth in her eyes, “If you leave, I leave, too.” 

Jaime knew what that meant for her, to leave Sansa and Pod, and pressed his stump into the small of her back bringing her closer, moving his hand up to curl in her hair. 

Brienne the tear drops on her shoulder, and all of her doubt had fleeted. She knew that she meant what she’d said; that she’d do anything, go anywhere for this broken man that made her feel so whole. 

…

When Podrick came by to collect Jaime for dinner with Tyrion, Brienne made a quick stop before accompanying Sansa, also requested through Pod. 

Gendry had stayed at Winterfell as the blacksmith for the Queensguard. Brienne knew some of what had happened between Gendry and Arya, and she knew that he stayed to await her return. Occasionally she saw him return from the maester’s rooms, having sent a raven somewhere, so she figured they were still in contact, and Arya approved of, if not was aware of, his current residence. Instead of staying in the Six Kingdoms as the Lord of Storm’s End, he allowed the title and land to go to one of the younger Tyrells, in hopes that they would be more fit to rule than he felt at the time. 

“Gendry,” Brienne acknowledged. He looked up from the design he was working on. 

“Ser Brienne,” Gendry smiled, “What can I do for you? Will you finally allow me to craft you a weapon?” 

Brienne shook her head. No matter how many times she declined, Gendry always asked for ‘the honour of forging her a new- or at least an additional- sword. But she always said no, as she knew she would never willingly part with Oathkeeper, never use another sword as long as she had it. “Not today. I do have a request for you, though.” 

Gendry’s smile widened and Brienne couldn’t help but smile back. She was glad to see Gendry finally surrounded by friends and allies, not fighting for his life, as so many of them had had to throughout the past few years. A few times she had met with Gendry regarding the Queensguard, and they ended up discussing the Baratheons. While Gendry did not necessarily feel any familial ties to the family, having never met them or been acknowledged as a Baratheon, they did speak of them on occasion. At first, before she knew Gendry, Brienne was hesitant, not wanting to admit that she had killed Stannis, his last remaining relative, his uncle. 

But Gendry didn’t hold it against her. Instead, he asked what made her so loyal to Renly. They talked a lot about Renly, his personality, how he was said to look like Robert. Gendry was very interested when Brienne told him about the designs of his armour, the intricate details he’d often had forged into the hilt of his sword. After that, he’d shown her the replication he’d made of one of Renly’s swords based on her descriptions.

“So,” Brienne started, “I was wondering if you’d be able to make Ja- Ser Jaime a new hand, something lighter and better than the one he has now.” She wasn’t sure exactly how Gendry felt about the Jaime, particularly after the Lannisters had sent their soldiers to kill him at one point. She tried to justify the request, “I don’t know where he’ll end up or how he’d manage to get a new hand elsewhere, and the one he has now is awfully impractical. So, I figured-“ 

“I’ll do it,” Gendry shrugged, not needing her explanations. 

Brienne was taken aback. “Really?” Was it really that easy?

“I don’t have anything against Jaime personally, except that it’s his sword that you use and not one of mine. But he fought with us. He’s a good man. You seem to like him,” Gendry stated. 

“What’s that got to do with it?” Brienne blurted out. Did others suspect they had grown closer again. 

“I trust you. And if you see something in him, doing this is worth my time.” Gendry shook his head, “Arya’s making me into more of a romantic than I’d care to be.” His eyes lightened at her name. 

Brienne couldn’t help but smile, “Don’t worry, you haven’t gone completely soft… yet.” She was glad he was hopeful for a future with her. He took Arya for who she was, just like Jaime had for her. 

With Gendry’s promise to stop by Jaime’s rooms the next day and take measurements, Brienne continued the path to Sansa’s for dinner, surprised to see Jaime and Tyrion with her as well. 

“Oh don’t act surprised,” Tyrion said with a sly grin, “Did you really think my wife and I would dine separately the night after are wedding?” Brienne had to admit, she did think it strange, but she was more caught up in what was happening with Jaime and trying to hide the bruise on her neck from Pod that she hadn’t really given it a second thought at first. 

Jaime smiled bashfully as she sat down next to him, across from Sansa, who was leaning on the table, her head propped against her hands, looking between the two expectantly. 

Jaime met Brienne’s eyes for a brief moment with an apologetic look. He seemed to know what was coming next. 

Apparently a guard had seen Brienne go to Jaime’s room during the day and shared the news with the newly weds. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t expected it- it seemed Tyrion and Sansa were placing bets after the wedding ceremony on how long it would take for Brienne and Jaime to get back together. Sansa won. 

Brienne didn’t outright admit right away that she and Jaime were together again, though the blush on her face was a giveaway. Jaime simply smiled at the question, unable to hide the happiness and relief he felt that she was willing to give him another chance. After that, Brienne was more willing to admit it. 

The two left Sansa and Tyrion together, though unsure of where to go next. Brienne started, “Would you like to-“ 

“Yes.” Jaime interrupted. 

“You don’t know what I was about to say,” Brienne countered, nudging his arm with hers. 

Jaime smiled, “I don’t care what the question was, I’ll do anything, go anywhere. Whatever you’d like to do.” He paused, “Maybe I should’ve let you finish. What was it you were going to say?” 

Brienne gave a half-hearted glare then asked again, “Would you like to come back to my rooms?”

“Yes,” Jaime said again, definitively. 

When they arrived, once the door was closed, Jaime stopped Brienne, catching her arm, “Just one request.” 

“Yes?” 

“I just- I don’t know what you want, if you just wanted to talk or…” Jaime continued quickly, “Not that I expect anything. Though I would like to sleep next to you, if you’d let me. I’ve missed that.” 

Brienne blushed, and Jaime warmed at the sight, “I have, too,” she admitted. 

When it came time for them to retire for the night, Jaime taking his side, Brienne on hers, Jaime caught her arm before she turned away. “Would you face me?” he asked almost hesitantly. 

“Hmm?” Brienne asked, surprised at the request. He’d never asked that before. 

“We can switch sides if it’s more comfortable for you to sleep on that side, I just, well, I like to see your face when I go to sleep and when I wake up.” 

Brienne swallowed hard, “I just figured you wouldn’t want to see me. When I was taking you to Kings Landing, you always turned away. I faced you because I needed to keep an eye on you, but you would always flip over so you didn’t have to see me. I know obviously things changed, but that doesn’t mean looking at me is any more… pleasant.” 

Jaime kissed her as soon as she finished talking, deepening the kiss nearly as soon as his lips touched her. She matched his intensity instinctually. When she heard herself moan though, she slowed the kiss and took a step back, composing herself. 

Jaime grinned, “You’re very pleasant to look at. I turned away so I wouldn’t do something like that back then. I tried to ignore those feelings for a very long time. But now- now I’d like to see you fall asleep, I’d like to see you wake up so I can kiss you senseless as soon as you open your eyes.” 

Brienne tried to hide her smile, but it broke across her face, anyways. “Alright, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trial is coming up! Stay tuned :)


	9. reactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Jaime spend a morning together. Winterfell prepares for the trial as the Northern Houses begin to arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I KNOW. I can't believe I haven't updated this story since September. At first it was because I wanted to focus on coffee and conversations, then once I finished that fic, I wasn't in a great writing space and didn't know where to go with this WIP. But, here's an update! And I have the rest outlined, and the number of chapters left! I hope you enjoy this update, and hopefully still have an interest in this story. Sorry if it's a bit rough!

As Brienne slowly drifted from sleep to waking, she became aware of the events of the night before. She kept her eyes closed for a moment, simply listening for the man beside her. She could sense him there, hear his low breaths. She opened her eyes. 

Jaime seemed to be dazed, lost in thought as he looked at her. He admired the way the sun kissed her skin, making even her faintest freckles visible. As her cheeks tinged with pink, Jaime drew his gaze from the skin of her cheek to meet her eyes. 

“Good morning,” Jaime murmured, a wide smile breaking across his face. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have a second chance, to wake up next to this woman again. 

Brienne smiled back at him, blinking in the bright light that filtered in from the window behind him. “Good morning.” She hesitated a moment, suddenly unsure of what to do next. She blushed as she remembered the way they used to wake up; both naked, both still so filled with desire that they would spend nearly an hour just touching each other- arms, faces, bodies.

The desire was still there, and the memory of previous mornings was palpable in the air, but the uncertainty that loomed over them kept the distance between them near a solid barrier. 

“How did you sleep?” Brienne asked quietly. 

Jaime answered honestly, “Better than I have in a while.”

“Same for me,” Brienne’s voice was a neat whisper. They both had confessed to having nightmares before, though only once did the nightmares ever reach the bed they shared. 

Jaime couldn't help lifting his hand to her face, brushing a strand of hair from where it fell over her eyes. "Your hair is longer," Jaime remarked, "It's pretty." 

Brienne looked away, shaking her head, unsure how to take the compliment. She shrugged, "Time just passed and I never cut it." 

Time passed. Brienne hadn't intended to bring it up, but the shame still shone in Jaime's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Brienne." 

Brienne stilled his hand on her hair, lacing her fingers with his own. "I've forgiven you." 

"I'll never stop apologizing for leaving you. And I'll never stop trying to make it up to you." 

A fire seemed to ignite in Brienne's eyes as a blush flooded her cheeks. Jaime hadn't intended for it to come out like that, but he grinned at the way Brienne reacted to the innuendo. He lifted their twined hands, brushing her fingers against his lips, not quite kissing them. 

His voice was a rough whisper as he asked, "May I kiss you?" 

Brienne's eyes flitted to Jaime's lips as she nodded, finally closing the distance between them once again. 

...

An hour later, the two were out of bed, getting ready for the day, though still in Jaime's rooms. Brienne had just put back on her clothes from the night before when there was a knock at the door. 

Jaime looked to Brienne, not wanting to open the door if Brienne did not want to be seen with him, but Brienne nodded. She was sure in her decision, and there was no point trying to hide their relationship, given that Sansa and Tyrion already knew. Jaime's heart warmed as he opened the door. 

"Gendry?" Jaime asked, surprised. He had barely spoken to the boy during his stay in Winterfell, though he seemed to be a good lad. 

"Ser Jaime," Gendry nodded in greeting. His eyes went to Brienne and he tried to hide his knowing grin, "Ser Brienne." He looked back to Jaime, "May I come in?" 

Jaime opened his mouth to speak, though he hesitated, confused. Brienne answered instead, "Come in, Gendry." Brienne moved the chairs from by the fire to the small table and gestured for both men to sit. 

Jaime sat down and looked expectantly between Gendry and Brienne, "What's this about?" 

"Brienne asked me to forge you a new hand, something more useful than that hunk of gold." Gendry answered, gesturing to the hand Jaime had fastened to his stump. 

Jaime looked wide-eyed at Brienne. She couldn't read his expression and tried to explain, "I just- when I saw you and Pod training, you said that it wasn't so practical, and I just thought it might be helpful to have a new one made, and since we don't know where we'll be-" 

Jaime reached out and squeezed Brienne's hand. She stopped at the tender look in his eyes. "Thank you."

After a moment, Gendry cleared his throat, and the two separated. "I'm just going to take some measurements so I can get started," Gendry said. As he worked, he asked, "What did you mean you don't know where you'll be?" 

Jaime answered, "Well, with my trial tomorrow, I don't know if I'll be allowed to stay here in the North. If I'm told to leave... Brienne for some reason has decided that she cares enough for me to join me where I go." He sent a loving gaze to Brienne. 

Gendry paused for a minute to glance over at her. He shook his head, "We can't loose you here, Ser. Not until you let me make you a sword." 

"What can I say," Brienne let out a small laugh, "I'll never part with Oathkeeper." 

Gendry rolled his eyes as he set down the golden hand and moved to measure Jaime's stump, "I know, I know. Regardless, I do hope the trial goes well. On my way over here, I heard that some of the other Northern houses arrived today." 

Brienne's heart dropped into her stomach. "Oh, I should go to Sansa then, see if anything needs to be done." She looked to Gendry, "Thank you for this." Gendry nodded, and then she turned to Jaime, choosing to squeeze his hand rather than kiss him goodbye with Gendry present, "I'll be back later." 

... 

Brienne knocked on Sansa's door then stepped into her quarters. Only Bran was with her. "I heard that some of the Northern families arrived," Brienne said, unanswered questions in her voice. 

“Yes, they’ve arrived,” Sansa said in a tone that suggested she wished they hadn’t. “Lyanna Mormont and her advisors arrived this afternoon as well as the Glovers. The last of the Karstarks and the Umbers died in the battle. The only other major house is House Reed, and I’m not sure if Meera will be coming here to represent her family.” 

“She will,” Bran said elusively. “She’ll be here this evening.” 

Sansa half-ignored Bran, by now used to his odd, knowing statements. She continued, "Yes, well, from what I've heard and what Bran has... seen, we don't have too much to worry about with Lyanna and the Mormonts; they were there in the fighting, they've seen first hand what Ser Jaime had done for them. While they're aware of Jaime's departure, I don't believe they would personally have anything against him staying. The Glovers, however," Sansa started with a sigh. 

Brienne sucked in a breath and Sansa offered a sympathetic smile. She explained, "The Glovers, as you know, didn't come to aid us in the battle, which doesn't put them in our highest regard, however they are still a noble house. As such, they will still feel the need to voice their opinions, and I believe Robett Glover still sees Jaime as the Kingslayer. While we can explain his role in the battle and everything he has done to help you protect us since, I don't know how much sway that will hold over him. And I also don't know what sway the Glovers will hold over the public that attends the trial." Sansa shook her head, "As much as it is my decision, I fear making a decision so early on if it would divide the Northerners to an extreme. If Jaime is met only with screams of disapproval..." Sansa trailed off. 

Brienne swallowed hard and nodded. She knew that Sansa needed to keep the North united, especially now, while everything is so new. And if Jaime did stay, Sansa must know that he would be staying in Winterfell with Brienne, and who knew what that would show the public. While they were accepting of Tyrion, his actions never spoke as loudly as Jaime's had. They still saw him as the Kingslayer, the man who attacked Ned Stark, the prisoner of King Robb's that killed his own cousin. Brienne wondered if her own testimony would help him once again, as it had when he stood before Daenerys when he first came to the North. 

"You'll know when that time comes," Bran answered her unspoken thoughts. Brienne looked to him, wondering what went on in his head, as Sansa also looked at her brother. 

"Bran, do you have an idea of how Meera will react to Ser Jaime?" 

Bran looked at his sister, then at Brienne, "She knows what he did." 

Brienne's eyes softened. She'd only tried to truly speak to Bran a few times, but he always spoke so elusively, and she didn't know what she could say to him, being in love with the man who had pushed him out that window so long ago. She turned to Sansa. 

Sansa had learned the truth of what Jaime had done after he left, when Brienne had explained in rushing, sobbing breaths his justification for leaving. She defended him weakly, saying that he wasn't that same man that had done that, but she didn't know how to convince Sansa or herself as he rode back for Cersei. Sansa spoke to Bran afterwards, trying to get a straight answer about Jaime's motivations. Somewhere along the line she seemed to have made up her mind, that Jaime wasn't that same person, that Bran's now apathetic condition could not be blamed on him either. 

Sansa asked, "So she will protest him being here, then?" 

"I could to speak to her about it." Bran answered simply, not saying whether or not he would. 

Sansa nodded to her brother. 

...

In the evening, Sansa and Brienne waiting in the hall for Meera, while Bran waited with Podrick in courtyard to greet her and speak with her first. 

As they waited, Sansa spoke, "Meera loved my brother. It was easy to see. She was heartbroken when she left here." 

Brienne stayed silent as Sansa continued, "But now, Bran's not Bran. He's the three-eyed raven. While Bran may have been able to speak to her about it, convince her, I don't know if she'll listen to the three-eyed raven." 

Brienne kept her eyes steady on the opposite wall, waiting for Meera to arrive. Sansa reached over to squeeze her hand, and Brienne looked to her, breathing in a shaky breath. Sansa told her, "We'll figure things out." 

On impulse, Brienne squeezed Sansa's hand back. She hoped they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3 it means a lot to me! Also, sorry for any mistakes regarding the houses, I tried my best to keep it all consistent and in line with how the North works.


End file.
